Lists

In my last post I made a list let's call it "Ten Things I Hate About Me". It is easy for me to get in that mode, to focus on the things that are wrong,  in my life or especially in myself.

Today I was reading a friend of a friends blog http://susanisaacs.blogspot.com/ and she had a list there too. It was a list of things she is grateful for. It got me to thinking about how much of how we feel is based on where we choose to focus. When I am looking at what is bad about me, it is so easy to dwell in that place and see everything through those glasses. In that mode I am certain that no one likes me, and I don't blame them. Susan reminded me that if we focus on what is good in our lives everything gets a little brighter, and a little clearer.

She also reminded me of what a horrible thing comparison is. It is usually in the face of comparison to others that I can make myself feel the smallest. Someone else has all of the qualities, or the talents, or the job or the house that I think I would like to have. The thing is, if I really examine the totality of someone else's life I don't really want it. I just want a little piece of it. In my comparison world I would like for other people's lives to be a smorgasbord where I could have that one's sense of humor, and that one's body, with her job, and another's kids, and someone else's home. If I had to take all of what someone else has I always find myself saying no, I would rather have what I have.

I don't want to keep looking at the world through this patch of gloom I let myself rest in sometimes. Today, I want to choose to look for the good stuff, and I just dare the clouds to try and stick around. So here's a new list, the list of things I am grateful for today:

My husband who comes about as close to loving me unconditionally as any human ever has.

My dogs, Roxy, Hogan, and JoJo who almost always make me smile. To be greeted every time you walk in the door with a celebration of jumping and wiggling and little doggy squeals is just a good thing to come home to.  It does not matter if you are gone five days or five minutes, there is a party when you arrive.  It may seem silly but I use them as my model for greeting people.  I am not going to hump your leg or anything but I hope when you walk in my door you know how glad I am to see you.  I could write a whole list about these three and the joy they bring me, but that is a post for another day.

Morning mist.  I love to sit in my back yard in the morning when there is that little layer of fog.  Everything looks like it is being filmed through gauze and it is cool, and the birds and squirrels are all out playing in the trees.

The dead tree in my back yard.  Ou neighbors want  to remove it, but I love this dead tree.  It has all of these branches that look like a big head of twisted up witches hair.  The squirrels run and chase each other through the branches, and because there are no leaves you can watch them in all of their antics.  The animals come and take little pieces of bark off the tree to use for their nests , so the trunk is gradually being peeled back to its core.   I don't know, there is just something I like about something dead still having so much life in it.  

Having purpose.  My life is pretty full right now.  Between my regular job, and helping at ReSource, and Urban Outreach and Jamaica, and being a wife and a mom to four dogs and a cat, and all my other roles in life, there is always something that needs to be done.  Sometimes this overwhelms me, but  mostly it is a good thing.  If  I have too much unstructured time I get in my head too much and then I get depressed.  I might like to have more time to focus in on certain parts of my life where I find the most joy but really for me busy is a good thing.

Knowing God, and knowing he is always with me when I feel it and even more when I don't.  

Nuff said.