Lessons from Jojo

One of the most popular movies in theaters recently has been Marley and Me, a story about a husband and wife and their very bad dog Marley. It really is a story about life, and learning to love unconditionally. I have thought for a long time that dogs are much better at that than we are, but even with dogs I am learning that the words we use have much more power than we think.

We inherited a six year old Yorkie named Jojo about six months ago. He was raised by an elderly relative, just the two of them together. She was ill for the last couple of years that she had him. When the time came that she was too ill to care for him we said that we would take him. Truthfully, no one else wanted him. I think because it was the two of them they adapted to one another but not so well to others. So when we got him you might say that Jojo had some issues. Just for an example the first moment I met him he bit me.

Since we have had Jojo, the standard issue phrase that now leaves my mouth when people enter our front door is "watch your fingers". Jojo acts friendly, he comes up and paws at your leg, and he really is cute so naturally people reach dpwn to pet him. Then he bites your fingers. Sometimes he just spazzes out for no apparent reason like the Tasmanian Devil on those old cartoons.

I have never had a dog who behaved this way so I really did not know what to do. I tried yelling no, or bad dog, I tried soothing him to let him know everything is OK, I have even given him doggy time-outs. Some of these worked with varying degrees of success, but not consistently. Finally, with a certain amount of urging from my husband who said I had to "do something" about him we decided to sign up for doggy training classes. I decided on private lessons given his unpredicatble behavior with people and their fingers.

I took him to Petsmart because they are close to us, and I read the brochure and their method does not involve choke chains, which I don't like. The very first week I learned a lesson which I thoink is worth the entire investment. The instructor told me that whenever you are training your dog, you always have to use a positive tone of voice when you are asking them to do something, and they have to be rewarded when they do it. When you call them, and they come it always needs to be a positive experience. It only takes one time of you calling them and then getting yelled at for them to remember that, then they never want to come again.

It made me realize how powerful the words we say to one another are. We can truly speak blessings or curses over the ones we love. Do we affirm the good that we see in one another or are we like the dog owner who calls their dog then beats them?

I have learned a lot from our little Jojo already. I believe that inside this little guy who growls is a good dog dying to show himself. I am seeing more and more of him each day as I learn how to reward that part of him.

Freedom Fighting

Shortly after the inauguration of our new president I was watching a story on the news about the Obamas. It was about Michele Obama's Mom moving into the White House with them to help with the kids, and they were talking about their relationship and how close they are. Her brother told a story about how they were raised by their Mom to"feel good about themselves". I found myself standing in my bedroom watching the story with tears streaming down my face.

 It reminded me of a friend at my Bible study. We were talking about the negative self-talk that goes on in our heads and she said "I don't do that. My parents taught me that it is not OK to say negative things about yourself, so I never learned to do that." It was the first time in my 46 years of life that I realized that it is possible to be that way. I had assumed that everyone had negative stuff floating around in their head about themselves like I do. To be honest, at first I didn't believe her, but after a while I noticed that she always spoke in a positive way about everyone in her family, somehow she really had been raised to be immune to the infiltration of the negative voices in my head commitee. I was stunned and amazed. I wanted that. The only problem is my commitee took up residence long ago so my challenge is how to evict them after the fact? I have tried but at best I have gotten them to take the occassional mini-break.

Flash forward to this session of Bible study where we are doing a series called beliveing the story. We are studying what God says is true of us.  I began to realize that if I could begin to get this stuff,and really believe it, maybe that would be the way to get rid of my committee.  So, I have made a commitment to contend for my freedom in this season of my life.  

I have to tell you it is not easy, I have found that the more determined I become the louder the negative voices scream at me.  I have had some really dark days recently, the kind where I wished I just didn't have to do this anymore, where I want to give up the fight.  I am trying to learn to tell someone, anyone, now when I get in that place, my instinct is to get quiet in myself and hide away.  I can barely stand to be in my own skin when I am like that and I don't want to subject anyone else to it.  It gets worse then.  When the darkest parts get exposed they lose some of their power.  The storm clouds cannot gather as strongly.  

I wish I could say that I had a sudden epiphany or that God reached down and it all became clear and I am leaping in this freedom.  Right now, I am doing all I can to stand firm to not lose ground.  Everything feels fragile and lie it could fall apart with too strong of a breath.  We may lose our business, we probably have to lay off most of our employees this week.  What we have poured our lives into and worked so hard for could fail.  We may be back to ground zero staring over, yet again.  I am so very tired and it becomes easy to see where I have failed all my flaws, fears and issues.  I can only look so far ahead and I do not see freedom on the part of the trail that is visible to me now.  My faith resides in the creator, not the one who is near, he is too ethereal at the moment.  

Sometimes freedom fighters just have to use everything they have not to lose ground.

Makes me want to scream

I have to get this off my chest somewhere.

I am not one of those grammar police people who feels it is necessary to point out every mistake I see, heaven knows I make plenty of mistakes myself, but some things drive me crazy.

Today has been a momentous occassion, watching the inauguration events has been moving and brought tears to my eyes. One thing has ruined it though. I cannot tell you the number of poeple who have said this is is an "historical" occassion. NO - IT - IS NOT. It is an historic occassion, that will be marked in the history books.

Just to clear it up for everyone:

Historic or Historical?
Historical normally means "having taken place in history" or "from the past" or "having to do with history."
Historic means "having significance in history." It usually refers to an event or person.
Historically is the adverb form of both words.

Thanks for listening you can go on to your dance now, just please do not say it is historical.

Resolving to resolve

It's that time of year again. You know, when you are supposed to examine your life and decide what you want to do, or change or be during the next year. I have mixed feelings about the whole process. I believe in setting goals, and self examination is necessary if we ever want to change but I am beginning to have my doubts about how accurate it really is.

Some of the kindest, best people I know can be really hard on themselves when they start looking inward. In general, I would say they are better than they see themselves and it got me to wondering how accurate are we when we self-assess? Have you ever noticed that it seems like the people who need to change the least are the ones that see all the things they need to work on while the biggest jerks see themselves as pretty darn OK?

So I started to wonder if maybe it would be better if we could have someone else make our lists for us. Someone who could be honest yet kind. If I could see myself through the eyes of a kind friend what would I see? Maybe it would be a little closer to the way God sees us, with full knowledge of our flaws yet a love so complete it surpasses understanding. I am hoping that this year I have eyes that see people that way more often, and maybe, just maybe get even a little glimpse of myself.

After writing this, I was talking with someone about resolutions, she had some funny ones. She had resolved to not work out in the winter time, and some other things like that. I am trying to keep my thinking in the positive mode these days but I decided I liked her idea of not making them about work, so here are a couple of my resolutions:

I resolve to be just plain silly more.

I am going to remember the nice stuff that happens in my life, even write it down so I can't forget.

That's a start.

Why I Love My Husband

There are lots of reasons, but one is that he is the only person I ever have conversations like this with:

Me: "So, how did they connect the pieces of the sectional together?" (In reference to our new couch which I was not home when they delivered).

Hubby: (After only the slightest of hesitations) "There is a monkey behind the couch holding the pieces together. His name is Coochallo."

Me: "So you're saying we have a couch monkey?"

Hubby: "Yes, Coochallo the couch monkey."

Me: "Man I can just see Jojo, going crazy with this, I will get you you crazy couch monkey!" (Proceed to break down in hysterical laughter at the idea of a couch monkey and how our crazy dog would react.)

Where do these things come from? I don't know. I love that about him.

Got Hope?

You know that noise that you heard in the Charlie Brown cartoons whenever an adult was talking to one of the kids? That is what I hear when it comes to politics. I have been surrounded by a lot of people who have felt very passionate about one candidate or the other, they are all wrapped up in it and I just haven't ever gotten there. Not that I don't have opinions, I do.

I am glad that our new president won in many ways. I think it was time we had a President who is not a white male, and I hope the fact he is not does something toward creating a better dialogue about race in our country. So, I am happy for those who pinned their hopes on that. I cried when I saw the tears of joy of the civil rights leaders after Obama won, I think they ahve earned this moment in history. We still have a long way to go, but I am glad for this moment. I also like the way he talks and inspires people to feel hopeful about our country, he seems to be good at that. Maybe in this time that is what we need, obviously it is what most of our country wants.

The problem for me is I could not get behind him from an intellectual perspective. I don't agree with his economic philosophy. I am hoping I am wrong about what it means for us as small business owners and for our country as a democratic society. I just don't happen to think that government is very good at solving problems like poverty and injustice. They waste way too much in the process, and too often they create a dependence that starts an unending cycle. I have seen people who are much more effective at an individual level and I think that when we start to believe that it is the government's role many people abdicate their personal responsisbility for these issues. I believe in the basic goodness of the people of this country and I think we as "the people" can do a better job than the government. I don't think the Republicans do a good job either, their philosophy just comes closer to my fundamental belief in individual rights and responsibility.

The truth is I had a really hard time working up any strong feelings for either party in this election. I started to ask myself why when everyone around me was getting all worked up do I feel so ambivalent. Then it struck me, they do not have my hope. My hope is not in Barack Obama, or John McCain, or the government, or the economy or even the world. My hope lies in the one who could topple them all with a breath if he so chose. That is where my hope is and that is where I am keeping it. So, I sympathize with all of my friends who are disappointed and stressing and I am happy for all my friends who are rejoicing and gloating, but me I am just resting right where I was before it began and right where I will be when it is over.

I have a hope.

Roxy Girl

Note: We ended up talking Roxy to the vet on October 13 to have her put to sleep. Rest in peace my good girl.

I haven't written lately because every time I sit down to write I start and then stop for lack of words. Maybe it's writer's block but I also feel like I get tired of writing about sadness. I started to post a video but it wouldn't upload so I gave up. So I expect no profundity here, just trying to write something to get over writing nothing.


It has been an interesting week full of both great and hard stuff.


On the great side, we had my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary party. It was amazing. It was interesting to be sort of a part of but outside something at the same time. Obviously they are my family, but the party was mainly this group of friends they have had for years and all of their families. When my in-laws were young this whole group of people who all shared a common Dutch Indonesian heritage shared their holidays together and the children became like cousins to one another. Not having their families here they became a family. At the party, many of them had not been together for 20 or 30 years, so it became one big celebration and reunion for both the parents and the kids who are all now adults and have children of their own. There is a sweetness to those relationships that was really touching to watch. Everyone was truly delighted to be together and they talked and danced and laughed and ate lots of food. I did not know many of the people but I liked them because of the sweetness that filled the room by their being together.



On the awful side, my dog Roxy is at the point that I am having to decide when it is time to let go of her. When she is awake she paces and walks in circles and gets stuck under or behind things as she follows the walls of our house around leaning on them for support. I know she is not going to get better, it is just incredibly difficult to make that call to say enough. It is so final. I keep saying goodbye but I just can't make the leap to actually taking her to the vet to put her to sleep. I am starting to feel cruel for hanging on to her.


I have shared sixteen years of life with this dog, and from the start she has been mine even though I did not intend for her to be. We got her after my beloved cat Misty died. I did not have the heart to get another cat, so Lloyd picked out Roxy. I was determined that I would not get attached because my heart was still so raw, but within the first day of her being home she captured me. She was a tiny little ball of black and white fluff who waddled around and was so small she could not jump from the grass to the deck. She managed to figure it out within a couple of hours though. We would try and contain her with baaby gates while she was being potty trained but she would always get out. Finally we watched as this little puppy climbed a baby gate. To this day she exhibits that tenacity.


She has survived longer than she should have. When she was only a year old she got out of the yard during the Northridge earthquake when the fenceshook open. Neighbors described seeing a little black dog running as fast as she could every time an aftershock would hit. We spent hours walking and driving around looking for her and Lloyd finally found her several hours after the quake about two street below ours. After that we called her Roxy Escape Lamb but she never left the yard after that day even when we left the gate open.


When she was five she got doggy breast cancer. She had two surgeries and a year of chemotherapy but has been cancer free since.


She used to be a food scavenger and amongst items she stole off the table were an entire cheese platter ( I found a sea of toothpicks on the living room floor) and a bunch of shrimp tails discarded but left on a table. The shrimp tails did not digest well and ended up causing two days of treatment on IV fluids. Since then, her stomach has never been the same and I have cooked batches of chicken and rice for her to eat as her staple diet. She never stole anything off the table after that.


We have spent countless hours walking together. For most of her life Roxy has been my faithful walking companion willing to walk in any weather for as long as I wanted. She was my trooper who would go with me when no one else wanted to.

Roxy was never one of those dogs who just loved anyone, she has taste and discretion. She is not mean to people but she just never saw any reason to throw herself at people she didn't know. She would pick and choose a few people she liked and that was enough for her. Leave all the shameless face licking and leg scratching of strangers to Hogan, Roxy has always had to have her affection earned. But once earned no more loyal or faithful companion could be asked for. I remember when she was a puppy the house where we lived had its entry way up aset of steps that was probably seven feet off the ground. If we did not watch her Roxy would leap off the front porch to get to one of us when we came home in her excitement to see us.


I miss you already girl. I am trying to be as faithful to you as you ahve been to me but it is hard to think of not seeing you every day. Here's hoping that doggy heaven has a nice long stretch of hard packed beach sand filled with loads of seagulls to chase. Save a place for me on the shore.