It Might Be Hope

Note: All excerpts are from the Song It Might Be Hope by Sara Groves

You do your work the best that you can

you put one foot in front of the other

life comes in waves and makes it's demands

you hold on as well as your able

I find myself drifting into the realm of cynicism lately. I have never been a person to have great expectations, but I think somewhere in the back of my head I keep hoping I am wrong. That God will come along and just surprise me one day with something amazing. But even without having a high set of expectations for what life would be, I am feeling disappointed lately. Life is harder than I thought it would be. Way too much of our time is used up in the pursuit of just making a living, doing what we have to to put a roof over our head and food on the table, and it just keeps getting harder. It is sapping me of my optimism and my joy. I keep trying to fight through by focusing on the small stuff, the things I really love, but in truth I am not always winning the battle. I don't like this cynical self.

You've been here for a long long time

It feels like things have been like this forever, it hasn't but it has been quite a few years. I thought that at some point there would be a sea change, that the struggle would get easier, that life would get easier, that there would be rest.

It's hard to recall what blew out the flame

it's been dark since you can remember

you talk it all through to find it a name

as days go on by without number

I remember the days when I believed anything was possible, when I thought that my one life could make a difference and that I could do or be anything. Somewhere along the way life has sapped that from me and left me feeling like the best I can do is just keep moving forward getting through the days as best I can. It leaves a dull ache in my heart.

Hope has a way of turning it's face to you

just when you least expect it

you walk in a room

you look out a window

and something there leaves you breathless

you say to yourself

it's been a while since I felt this

but it feels like it might be hope

I have been battling this cynicism, this idea that negative is the norm. A few days ago, I walked out in the back yard to check on my little lemon tree because it is one of the things that makes me smile, and I got a pleasant surprise. One of the the trees we planted in the fall that I thought had died had a whole bunch of new leaves at the top. Somehow, in the rains we have had the past few days the tree had revived. More than anything recently this little tree began to grow a seed of hope in my heart. If that tree that has looked so dead all these months could come back to grow and sprout new leaves maybe there is hope for me, that in this heart the seeds of optimism lay dormant just waiting to be watered by a little encouragement or love or a moment of joy. I am not there yet, but it feels like it might be hope.