Note: We ended up talking Roxy to the vet on October 13 to have her put to sleep. Rest in peace my good girl.I haven't written lately because every time I sit down to write I start and then stop for lack of words. Maybe it's writer's block but I also feel like I get tired of writing about sadness. I started to post a video but it wouldn't upload so I gave up. So I expect no profundity here, just trying to write something to get over writing nothing.
It has been an interesting week full of both great and hard stuff.
On the great side, we had my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary party. It was amazing. It was interesting to be sort of a part of but outside something at the same time. Obviously they are my family, but the party was mainly this group of friends they have had for years and all of their families. When my in-laws were young this whole group of people who all shared a common Dutch Indonesian heritage shared their holidays together and the children became like cousins to one another. Not having their families here they became a family. At the party, many of them had not been together for 20 or 30 years, so it became one big celebration and reunion for both the parents and the kids who are all now adults and have children of their own. There is a sweetness to those relationships that was really touching to watch. Everyone was truly delighted to be together and they talked and danced and laughed and ate lots of food. I did not know many of the people but I liked them because of the sweetness that filled the room by their being together.
On the awful side, my dog Roxy is at the point that I am having to decide when it is time to let go of her. When she is awake she paces and walks in circles and gets stuck under or behind things as she follows the walls of our house around leaning on them for support. I know she is not going to get better, it is just incredibly difficult to make that call to say enough. It is so final. I keep saying goodbye but I just can't make the leap to actually taking her to the vet to put her to sleep. I am starting to feel cruel for hanging on to her.
I have shared sixteen years of life with this dog, and from the start she has been mine even though I did not intend for her to be. We got her after my beloved cat Misty died. I did not have the heart to get another cat, so Lloyd picked out Roxy. I was determined that I would not get attached because my heart was still so raw, but within the first day of her being home she captured me. She was a tiny little ball of black and white fluff who waddled around and was so small she could not jump from the grass to the deck. She managed to figure it out within a couple of hours though. We would try and contain her with baaby gates while she was being potty trained but she would always get out. Finally we watched as this little puppy climbed a baby gate. To this day she exhibits that tenacity.
She has survived longer than she should have. When she was only a year old she got out of the yard during the Northridge earthquake when the fenceshook open. Neighbors described seeing a little black dog running as fast as she could every time an aftershock would hit. We spent hours walking and driving around looking for her and Lloyd finally found her several hours after the quake about two street below ours. After that we called her Roxy Escape Lamb but she never left the yard after that day even when we left the gate open.
When she was five she got doggy breast cancer. She had two surgeries and a year of chemotherapy but has been cancer free since.
She used to be a food scavenger and amongst items she stole off the table were an entire cheese platter ( I found a sea of toothpicks on the living room floor) and a bunch of shrimp tails discarded but left on a table. The shrimp tails did not digest well and ended up causing two days of treatment on IV fluids. Since then, her stomach has never been the same and I have cooked batches of chicken and rice for her to eat as her staple diet. She never stole anything off the table after that.
We have spent countless hours walking together. For most of her life Roxy has been my faithful walking companion willing to walk in any weather for as long as I wanted. She was my trooper who would go with me when no one else wanted to.
Roxy was never one of those dogs who just loved anyone, she has taste and discretion. She is not mean to people but she just never saw any reason to throw herself at people she didn't know. She would pick and choose a few people she liked and that was enough for her. Leave all the shameless face licking and leg scratching of strangers to Hogan, Roxy has always had to have her affection earned. But once earned no more loyal or faithful companion could be asked for. I remember when she was a puppy the house where we lived had its entry way up aset of steps that was probably seven feet off the ground. If we did not watch her Roxy would leap off the front porch to get to one of us when we came home in her excitement to see us.
I miss you already girl. I am trying to be as faithful to you as you ahve been to me but it is hard to think of not seeing you every day. Here's hoping that doggy heaven has a nice long stretch of hard packed beach sand filled with loads of seagulls to chase. Save a place for me on the shore.
